How can I explain?
Published on June 16, 2021
Dorcas A. Sutton is a stroke survivor and poet from Kansas who shares this poem that shares her experience.
A stroke is a terrifying and cruel thing
It takes your past, it compromises your future It changes how you are treated, it changes how you react. It takes the best of everything you were leaving you vulnerable, scarred, uncertain.A stroke takes what was normal and contorts life into unrecognizable
Stealing what was good and promising Leaving in its' wake the shell of the person you used to be With constant reminders of how it should be.A stroke leaves you with scars, some physical, some hidden within
Impairing neuro anatomy people can't see Making neurotransmitters work diligently, Exploring new pathways for lost memories. How can I explain when it seems I stumble When my mind isn't quick to respond to your instructions When my mind becomes full so easily with words With noises, with distractions, with complaints about me. How can I explain that it takes every ounce of courage To make myself do the routine? The mundane? How can I explain that my once successful past Is the one I grieve every single day? How can I explain that I lost so much with my brain hemorrhage Things that people can't see Like my ability to be a wife, a mother, a daughter, a good employee All these things were taken from me.They say it's because of my CVA , this thing that took my life away
Leaving me with remnants of my past, With only snapshots and framed accomplishments That remind me of the person I used to be. How can I explain of the nights when sleep eludes me But exhaustion consumes me? When my thoughts race to find a memory that can connect Me to this person, this place, this situation, the loneliness I cannot flee. How can I explain I don't need to be reminded I'm a failure That my coma, neurosurgeries weren't such a big deal How can I have the courage to find Energy, fortitude, grace to persevere? How can I explain I just want you to understand Life can sometimes change your plans? And when it does strength and courage is daily required But just knowing someone cares, reaches out, can change your can't into cans.