A Letter to My Heart
By Benjamin Lee
My life changed forever in 2006-07 when I learned I had HCM (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy). I was not familiar with this genetic heart condition. I didn’t know of anyone in my family who had it either. Yet after being told that I had an irregular EKG and seeing a couple of doctors, and by visiting the Minneapolis Heart Institute, I was forced to face my new reality: I have HCM.
It was tough dealing with this in my 20s. I wondered:
“What will happen to me?”
“Am I going to die young?”
“Will I drop dead in the middle of a workout?”
Although I’ve had challenges along the way, I’m still alive and well. I’m thankful for the excellent medical treatment I have received at the local heart center, and my local cardiologist led me on the right path.
In 2010, I received my first ICD or implantable cardioverter defibrillator). That was a major adjustment, but the care from my physician and staff was fantastic. The same can be said after receiving my second device in 2016.
But the mental component was another challenge. I wrote a letter to my heart in 2019.
Dear HCM (Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy),
As I’m finishing up my upper body workout I’ve been thinking about you — how much control you’ve had on me in the past, and even now sometimes. Your power and influence were strong when I was first diagnosed over a decade ago. You had me. You set the terms. You controlled my mood. It took some time to break free, but I stopped believing your lies.
I began to leave you in the dust.
But you’re smooth. I got an ICD in 2010, and for a while you had me again. When I first summoned the courage to get back to running, I fell. But I got back up. You can’t beat me. I made some motivational bracelets for myself and others. I flipped the script and took back control.
Then you struck again, with a blood clot in 2014. I didn’t see that coming. I was depressed and ate my feelings. We were debt-free before that blood clot. But I flipped the script again. I turned that moment into a sermon to motivate myself and others. Now I’m back in control.
Thank you for the push to get things done! You are my heart. I love you. Just remember who is in control.
To learn more about hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, visit www.heart.org/hcm.
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